Common mistakes parents make that destroy a relationship based on trust with a child - Tips and advice on how to trust your child and retain his or her trust and respect according to the teachings of Islam (Tawakkul).
Upon birth, a child loves and trusts his parents implicitly. As the child grows, however, things can change because of certain circumstances. It's not enough that you love your child; your child must also be able to trust you. As a child grows older, they notice things like whether or not their parent lied to them or whether their parent broke a promise. Even if the child doesn't mention it, they still file these facts away and for some, the relationship changes. It only takes one lie, for some kids and the child is never trusting again. No parent wants to lose a child's trust, but we are all human and we all have had unexpected things to arise, preventing us from keeping our word. There is nothing you can do to prevent the unexpected, but all in all, keep your word to your child, no matter what.
Lying is the number one reason that kids don't trust their parents. The lies don't have to be told to the child, either. The child can overhear you lying to a neighbor or friend and the impact could be the same. Breaking a promise, the same as lying, is another reason children don't trust. A promise is usually made to someone when something is very important. The breaking of that promise causes the child to feel as though the subject was not important to the parent. Keep your word to your child at all costs, but when something unexpected prevents you from keeping a promise, sit down and explain the circumstances to the child. Explain how you couldn't be in two places at once, and so on. Never just announce to the child that you couldn't make it and that's the end of the subject. Give them an explanation, just as you would expect if someone you love lied to you.
Being a hypocrite is another reason a child will lose trust in you. Pretending to be someone's friend, then talking about the person behind his back, embarrassing the child in front of people or laughing at the child's ideas are other ways to kill their trust.
When a child has made a mistake, but comes to you and tells the truth, make sure he knows how much you appreciate this and be sure the punishment is much lighter than if he had lied or tried to cover up what he did. Once a child sees that he can come to you with problems, he will be more likely to trust you with his troubles in the future.
As children grow into teens, many parents have a habit of looking through their belongings and their room. This is a definite way to get your child not to trust you. The child expects you to trust him or her and when you search through personal belongings, you are telling the child that you don't trust him. If you don't trust them, why should they trust you? Trust is usually a mutual thing and when one doesn't trust, often, the other won't either.
Basically, if you want to trust your child and have him trust you, treat him with respect, keep your word, let him know how much you love him, don't break your promises, don't be a hypocrite and take the time to explain to the child if something prohibits you from doing what you promised. It's important to keep the trust of your child for a future relationship with him that is loving and trusting.
Tips for building Trust in Islam:
Trust is so fragile that is hard to put back to its original state when broken. Trust is like a vase, once it's broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be same again. So following are some of the Tips on how to build Trust:
- Never tell a lie, always tell the truth. And, say it kindly and tactfully.
- Be real; do not act like somebody you are not.
- Do not gossip about other people's life. The one you are talking to may think you are gossiping her at her back. The worst scene is - she even pass what you said to other people too.
- Never betray a confidence. Do not tell the secrets confided to you.
- Keep all the promises you made. If you cannot keep a promise, better not to promise at all.
- When you borrow something, always return it as soon as possible on time.
Confidence, Trust and Hope:
Confidence: Once upon a time in a certain village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an umbrella. That is Confidence, the boy was optimistic and confident that the prayers will be answered and definitely it was going to rain! That is why he carried the umbrella.
Trust: Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old child, when you throw him up in the air, he just laughs. He is happy; he wants you to do it again and again! Do you know why? It's because he knows and trusts in you and has confidence that you will catch him and that you will never let him/her fall. That is Trust.
Hope: Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning, but still we have plans for the coming day. That is Hope.
Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured and something that will refresh us in return. And it can be found in each of us and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
Well-mannered model of good life: Be Confidence; Trust Others; and never lose Hope.