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Parenting Tips: How to keep your child's Trust or Trust in Islam

Parenting Tips: How to keep your child's TrustCommon mistakes parents make that destroy a relationship based on trust with a child - Tips and advice on how to trust your child and retain his or her trust and respect according to the teachings of Islam (Tawakkul).

Upon birth, a child loves and trusts his parents implicitly. As the child grows, however, things can change because of certain circumstances. It's not enough that you love your child; your child must also be able to trust you. As a child grows older, they notice things like whether or not their parent lied to them or whether their parent broke a promise. Even if the child doesn't mention it, they still file these facts away and for some, the relationship changes. It only takes one lie, for some kids and the child is never trusting again. No parent wants to lose a child's trust, but we are all human and we all have had unexpected things to arise, preventing us from keeping our word. There is nothing you can do to prevent the unexpected, but all in all, keep your word to your child, no matter what.

Lying is the number one reason that kids don't trust their parents. The lies don't have to be told to the child, either. The child can overhear you lying to a neighbor or friend and the impact could be the same. Breaking a promise, the same as lying, is another reason children don't trust. A promise is usually made to someone when something is very important. The breaking of that promise causes the child to feel as though the subject was not important to the parent. Keep your word to your child at all costs, but when something unexpected prevents you from keeping a promise, sit down and explain the circumstances to the child. Explain how you couldn't be in two places at once, and so on. Never just announce to the child that you couldn't make it and that's the end of the subject. Give them an explanation, just as you would expect if someone you love lied to you.

Being a hypocrite is another reason a child will lose trust in you. Pretending to be someone's friend, then talking about the person behind his back, embarrassing the child in front of people or laughing at the child's ideas are other ways to kill their trust.

When a child has made a mistake, but comes to you and tells the truth, make sure he knows how much you appreciate this and be sure the punishment is much lighter than if he had lied or tried to cover up what he did. Once a child sees that he can come to you with problems, he will be more likely to trust you with his troubles in the future.

As children grow into teens, many parents have a habit of looking through their belongings and their room. This is a definite way to get your child not to trust you. The child expects you to trust him or her and when you search through personal belongings, you are telling the child that you don't trust him. If you don't trust them, why should they trust you? Trust is usually a mutual thing and when one doesn't trust, often, the other won't either.

Basically, if you want to trust your child and have him trust you, treat him with respect, keep your word, let him know how much you love him, don't break your promises, don't be a hypocrite and take the time to explain to the child if something prohibits you from doing what you promised. It's important to keep the trust of your child for a future relationship with him that is loving and trusting.

Tips for building Trust in Islam:

Trust is so fragile that is hard to put back to its original state when broken. Trust is like a vase, once it's broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be same again. So following are some of the Tips on how to build Trust:

  • Never tell a lie, always tell the truth. And, say it kindly and tactfully.
  • Be real; do not act like somebody you are not.
  • Do not gossip about other people's life. The one you are talking to may think you are gossiping her at her back. The worst scene is - she even pass what you said to other people too.
  • Never betray a confidence. Do not tell the secrets confided to you.
  • Keep all the promises you made. If you cannot keep a promise, better not to promise at all.
  • When you borrow something, always return it as soon as possible on time.

Confidence, Trust and Hope:

Confidence: Once upon a time in a certain village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an umbrella. That is Confidence, the boy was optimistic and confident that the prayers will be answered and definitely it was going to rain! That is why he carried the umbrella.

Trust: Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old child, when you throw him up in the air, he just laughs. He is happy; he wants you to do it again and again! Do you know why? It's because he knows and trusts in you and has confidence that you will catch him and that you will never let him/her fall. That is Trust.

Hope: Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning, but still we have plans for the coming day. That is Hope.

Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured and something that will refresh us in return. And it can be found in each of us and it can bring light into the darkest of places.

Well-mannered model of good life: Be Confidence; Trust Others; and never lose Hope.

Story of Trust in Allah (SWT): Trader who placed his Tawakkul

Story of Trust in Allah (SWT)During the time of Noble Prophet Muhammad (saws) there lived a trader who, in all affairs, always placed his trust in Allah (SWT). Trader used to travel from Syria to Madinah for trade and during one of his trips, he was confronted by a bandit who drew his sword and intended to kill him.

"If it is my wealth that you desire, come and take it and leave me alone," pleaded the trader. "Killing you is a must, for if I let you go free, you will identify me to the authorities," said the bandit. "In that case give me respite till I have offered a two Rak'at prayer," requested the trader.

The bandit agreed and the trader engaged himself in prayers. Having completed the prayers, he raised his hands and beseeched: 'O' Lord! I have heard from Your Noble Prophet Muhammad (saws) that whoever places his trust in You shall remain protected. I have no helper in this desert and Your grace is my only hope.

Having placed all his trust in Allah (SWT), trader had hardly completed his supplication when a rider on a white horse loomed in the distance. When he came close, the rider confronted the bandit and killed him with one stroke of his sword. Then, turning to the trader, he said: "O' You, who places your trust in Allah (SWT)! I have killed the enemy of Allah (SWT) and He has delivered you from him."

"Who are you that you have come to my assistance in this desert?" the trader asked. "I am your Tawakkul." Allah (SWT) brought me out in the form of an Angel and I was in the heavens when Angel Jibril (Jibreel, Gabriel) called out to me and said: "Hasten to the assistance of your master and exterminate his enemy", and here I have come and eliminated your enemy." Having said thus, he disappeared out of sight.

The trader fell down in prostration of thanksgiving to Allah (SWT) and acquired a stronger conviction with respect to the instructions of Noble Prophet Muhammad (saws) regarding Tawakkul.

On arrival in Madinah, trader approached Noble Prophet Muhammad (saws) and narrated what had transpired. "Indeed! Tawakkul raises a person to the pinnacle of success and the rank of a person who possesses it, is equivalent to the ranks of the Prophets, the friends of Allah (SWT), the righteous ones and the martyrs," said Noble Prophet Muhammad (saws).

"... Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him). If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust." Noble Qur'an (3:159-160)

Story of Trust in Allah (SWT): Illness of Prophet Musa/Moses (as)

Trust in IslamOnce, Prophet Musa/Moses (as) became ill. The Bani Israel (Children of Israel) came to him and realizing what his illness was, advised him: "If you consume such and such medicine you will recover from your sickness." "I shall not seek any cure but will instead wait till Allah (SWT) cures me without the help of any medicine," said Prophet Musa/Moses (as) to them. His illness became prolonged whereupon Allah (SWT) revealed to him: "By My Majesty and Glory! I shall never cure you till you have consumed the medicine which they had recommended to you."

Prophet Musa/Moses (as) asked the Bani Israel to treat him with the medicine that they had previously suggested. They treated him and shortly after that, Prophet Musa/Moses (as) regained his health. However, this incident left Prophet Musa/Moses (as) with a feeling of complaint and dejection but Allah (SWT) revealed to him: "You desired to annul My Wisdom by means of your trust in Me! Is there one, other than Me, who has placed the medicinal and beneficial effects in plants and various things?"

Say: "Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our protector. In Allah let the Believers put their trust." (Noble Qur'an, 9:51)

Moral of the Story: "Trust in Allah (SWT) but tie your Camel." Also "Trust in Allah (SWT) alone not a fortune cookie." - Muslim Proverbs

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of Allah, the beneficent the merciful)

BismillahirrahmanirrahimA preacher was once giving a sermon to a large audience in the mosque. In the course of it he said: "O People! I tell you the truth. If only you knew the power of the sentence Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of Allah, the beneficent the merciful), you would say it before every action of yours. Whoever says these words before beginning any act will see wonders. One will even be able to walk on water."

A poor villager, who was sitting close to the pulpit, listened to this sermon attentively. Poor villager was a regular visitor to the mosque although his journey from his home was a very difficult one because he had to cross a large river on the way. Poor villager did not have a boat and often had to wait until someone appeared who could transport him across. The route around the river was extremely long. However, when the poor villager heard this sermon, he realized that he had found the solution to his problem.

When Poor villager reached the river on his way back, he did not hesitate, but recited 'Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of Allah, the beneficent the merciful)' and stepped onto the water. By the grace of Allah (SWT) he was able to walk on the water and soon reached the other side. This became a regular practice for the poor villager, until one day, as he was crossing the river; it occurred to him that he had not thanked the preacher who had given him the solution to his problem. Poor villager decided to invite him to his house for a meal as a way of showing his gratitude to him.

The preacher accepted the invitation and both of them began walking back to the poor villager's house. On reaching the river, the poor villager recited 'Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of Allah, the beneficent the merciful)' and stepped out onto the water, as was his normal routine. Poor villager expected the preacher to do the same. But when he looked behind, he found that the preacher was still standing on the bank looking at him in bewilderment. The man told him to recite 'Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of Allah, the beneficent the merciful)' just as he had preached.

"My dear villager, I lack the faith/trust that you have," replied the preacher.

Moral of the Story: Teaching and acting on the words taught with trust is not the same. Also we must inculcate the habit of reciting 'Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of Allah, the beneficent the merciful)' before everything that we say or do in this life. Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) has said, "Do not forsake Bismillah even if you write one line of poem."

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Islamic Moral Stories is designed by Akramulla Syed Last Updated: Saturday, January 15, 2011